This new addition to my blog unfortunately will not be the self help/advice ones I normally write, Sorry if you were thinking it was gonna be… cause I got nothing this time. You see that over there? Yea, that there is a door. If you like, you can use it now, I won’t stop you.
I can’t believe it.
All my life i’ve been so sure about what I want to do and where I am going. Then all of a sudden, I am twenty four years old and I feel like I don’t know anything and nothing has gone the way it was supposed to.
Is this normal? I asked myself. Turns out yes, yes it is. Well maybe not the part where I had a plan and then didn’t part.
So, I’m looking for work again and I just don’t know where to start. I can not for the life of me figure out what I want to do!
My working life so far: working with children? Loved it. But it’s not a secure job environment. Working as an Admin? Love it, but I can’t just side step into the same role. As Administration is such a vast area and my admin title is a loose… edgy, title. I just sort out orders for a very small company.
My confidence about life and work is just so low at the moment. I don’t know what is wrong with me!
I’m looking at people and jobs and just thinking oh, yeah I can see why they are doing that, they are so good at their job. And looking at myself thinking I’m not good at anything else. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not looking for a pity party. I know I’m good at my current job and at some point I will shake myself out of this negative thinking. But I just can’t think that way right now. Like I said, It’s a confidence thing. I just haven’t got the self esteem in me right now.
I need a time machine. To go back and sit in my old bedroom for a week, no responsibilities. Just me, food and my laptop and just listen to music and watch Anime. And a blanket fort… with extra pillows.
I do wonder if you have ever felt lost like me? Adrift in life, not knowing what will happen next? They say it’s part of the fun in life, but it just makes me uncomfortable, i’ll be honest.
I’m hoping something will turn up that is perfect for me. That I will look at the job description and say yup that’s my kind of job – I can do that! But until then, who knows?
If I reaaaally think about it, one day I would like to be an author. As silly a dream that is. I’m barely blogging and want to be a writer “for realsies“ HA! It’s a stupid dream I know. But it gets me writing. Whether my writing is actually any good or not, I will let you be the judge of that.
… Don’t judge me too hard right now, I’m fragile. Hahaa!
In all seriousness, I wanted to write this today because it’s all just been bubbling up inside of me. And it’s really getting to me. I know some people never have a plan about work and just end up somewhere. Some people get really lucky and end up in pretty decent jobs too! I do try not to worry, but if worrying was a sport I’m a natural born winner. I just can’t help it, I like to have a plan. When I don’t (as pathetic as this might sound) I get a bit depressed. I start losing interest in everything and all I want to do when I get home is crawl into bed. ... (And eat food and watch anime)…
Something will turn up. I know. But just wishing isn’t going to make it happen. I have to work hard too.
I will try and keep a little more updated on here. (I know I keep saying that, don’t look at me with those judgy judge eyes)
Que Sera sera.
Until the next time.