Always… #AKF

Hello reader,

Today I wanted to chat about something very close to me. And I’m just gonna dive straight into it.

I’m an AKF campaign supporter.

As a sufferer of anxiety, depression & supporter for the campaign there isn’t anything else I’d rather talk about right now.

‘AKF’ if you aren’t aware, stands for ‘Always Keep Fighting.’ It’s a campaign sponsored and directly influenced by Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins and the rest of the whole SPN Family. Not only are these guys awesome in one of my all time favourite TV shows – Supernatural, but they are involved in something even more incredible than that. (Who knew that was possible!?)

The AKF campaign is an awareness, support and encouragement towards the fight against mental health problems. Since 2015, they have been encouraging people of all ages and genders to reach out and seek the support they need.

I can’t really express how amazing this campaign is to me. They are heroes to so many people. I don’t think they quite realise just how amazing they are.

It’s effected me to an extent that even I’m shocked. I struggle to put my feelings into words at the best of times, and I think I’m still in some form of denial cause I just don’t like admitting my “other side”. I keep saying “I’m fine, I’m just ‘down in the dumps'” and for years I’ve been trying to support myself, trying to open up to people but backing out. Waking up in the morning and repeating to myself “I can do this.” When I feel the complete opposite.

I’m going through some things at the moment, and although I can deal, I’m sure. Some days are worse than others. So the campaign for me is like a safety net to keep me going and sometimes a jab in the side that I need to remind me “Oi, stop what you’re thinking, you are enough.”

The show, the campaign, heck, the whole SPNFamily, have put such an impression on me, that it might seem a bit bizarre to people who don’t quite get it or don’t feel the same way. I’ve also always been a big family person and in some ways can relate to them regarding their feelings on family. So I can’t help but feel a little awed if I see them talk live on Facebook/Youtube.

I haven’t met Jared, Jensen or Misha, but If I did, I would probably just spazz out and start hyperventilating anyway. …Cause I’m cool like that. I’m also a disaster in social situations/meeting new people, especially if those people are famous. But if this post gets to them, (highly doubtful) I just want them to know that they are doing an amazing thing. Even though I’m sure they get told everyday how awesome they are, that they are great actors (and human beings) and that they have such a huge fan base that adore them etc etc. Oh and that they are hilarious. Let’s not forget that, that’s very important! But I just wanna say this: thank you for giving me something to keep me going through the tough days.

I didn’t intend to advertise their campaign that much… As usual when I write, I never quite know what will happen until I start tapping away!! I just had the urge to write something about AKF. Hell this post could have easily just been: “AKF, that is all!”

Anyway, I would advise anyone who is in a difficult place right now to just… look at their stuff. Yeah, haha. And reader, stay you, stay strong. And when the shit hits the fan and you feel too tired to do those things?

Reach out. Seek the support you deserve. Know you are not alone in this. You are enough.

#AlwaysKeepFighting

Until the next time~

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Let’s have a catch up!

Hello friends,

In my last post – quite a while ago now! – I recall simply ranting about rubbish accommodation when private renting. Needless to say, at this point it was hard to keep my cool! I’d like to announce though that the carpet it sorted. Cheaply. But sorted. That’s the main thing -right? And cleaning a three bed house has become much easier!

Moving out for the first time is all a bit of a learning curve.

Even if you are moving out with someone or going off to university accommodation, you are still transitioning from one home to another. For a while you may even be reluctant to call your new place “home.” Everyone deals with moving out differently. It’s okay to not be okay for a while.  Even though it’s a good thing to leave the nest, it takes some getting used to!

It’s almost a year now since I left. With another move around the corner I’m quite apprehensive about what’s in store for the next year ahead!

I can honestly say I feel a lot older for it.

Wiser? I’m not so sure! I know I have more to learn. But that’s a good thing.

I’ve been through quite a lot emotionally and mentally in my house. It’s been a bit of a wild ride and I feel I’m only just coming out of the woods now and feeling more like myself again.

To have people come into our house and not feel comfortable spiritually is saddening. There seems to be quite a disturbance here. Then to have an inspector come over checking if we have everything and what’s wrong with the place for her to turn to us and say:

“You should never have been allowed to live in this house.”

Yeah. Scary stuff, huh?

This has helped us look out for certain …legal… things in the future.

But we are the lucky ones. We can afford to save and leave next year. Sure we have to save hard, but we CAN save.

There are a lot of people who are in similar situations who cannot save the money to leave. Who are trapped, isolated and no one is helping them. It’s a losing battle. Landlords are taking liberties because they don’t have to care until it gets so bad the environmental control get involved and they have no choice. This isn’t the way it is meant to be. It’s appalling people are being treated this way.

I count my blessings that I am in a better situation. My eyes have opened, once again I am taught “it could be worse” and “make the best of the situation.” Two things that some may say; you shouldn’t have to feel that way. And no, no I shouldn’t. But it’s about seeing the end of the chapter. Knowing it’s not forever and that it will get better.

I’m not about to give up. Are you?

 

Until the next time.

 

 

Picture found: http://bernardsestates.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/house-landlords-pic.jpg  – Credit goes to original photographer.

 

 

 

Social Anxeity; Pushing Through Life in the Best Way

Hello reader,

I don’t know about you, but there are times when I feel completely alone. To face things alone is daunting. However to realise there are people around to help me, is like reaching out into the darkness and suddenly a bright warm light is raining down; making me feel safe and secure again.

I met with a friend of mine a little while ago. I had been feeling pretty low because strange things had been happening to me and it had been chipping away at my strength each (long) day. I had explained things that were happening and she did what any good friend would do – gave advice. After all these years (after school) I’m not used to being the one receiving advice. Usually it’s the other way around. However I accepted her advice and since then things have been picking up.

It goes to show, acceptance to change positively goes a long way for the mind and soul.  

I won’t go into details about what was happening at home, because I’m not even sure if I believe it myself. All I know is that is was effecting my mood, behaviour and general energy. It was unpleasant but I feel I have managed to suppress and/or get rid of whatever was wrong.

It took me years to be comfortable reaching out to people properly, and I think there will still be a part of me that will always hold back. I find it hard to trust people and I get nervous in big social gatherings. Or even just meeting up with a friend after a really long time. It always crosses my mind to make an excuse not to go or to think of a way out or only stay for a certain amount of time and then make some sort of excuse to leave. So to have people genuinely concerned about me and caring for me is a little strange still because of my lack of trust… but I try not to let it stop me meeting with friends and having a good time. I’ve especially been working on my trust, because I know that not everyone is out for themselves and that there are real, good and honest people out there like myself with no ulterior motives. Those are the people to trust.

Let me be clear, It’s never about the people I’m going to spend my time with. My close ones are the right people, they are all awesome, honest people. I’m lucky to be surrounded by so many good people. It’s all on me. I get social anxiety. People don’t tend to realise this about me, because I try to never let it show. However the traits I get is going quiet and reserved. If you are like me, all I can say is try to keep pushing forward, and don’t let your anxiety get the better of you. Even if you are worried, you could be surprised and warmed by the feeling that you made the right decision to go out and enjoy your life.

I don’t feel I have social anxiety to an extent that some people may have it. I don’t claim that it’s easy to just get up and go out with a large group of people or even just one or two people if you suffer with it. Everyone has good days and bad days. Everyone feels and reacts to things differently (even just slightly) It’s how you deal and manage them – is what counts.

I like to remind myself of these things before going out sometimes on a “bad day” because on the day I met up with my friend it gave me courage to push through life in the best way possible. I was able to gain advice and become stronger from it. It was a gentle hug in the right direction and I’m so pleased I went. I was worried because we hadn’t seen each other in so long that it could be awkward. In the end, we actually spoke about it. I was being open and honest about it all and it turned out we felt the same! I was a little relieved and it made me feel much more comfortable to have that finally out in the open.

*Takes a deep breath*

So… What I wanted to tell you was, once again I am pleasantly surprised by the power friendship and impact people can have in our lives. I wanted to tell you that when things seem the darkest; that’s the perfect time to reach out to someone close, who you know will understand you. I wanted to tell you that, you are never alone. No one is ever alone. You may have to fight for it or you may need to take that first step to reach out for it. Still, you are never facing this world on your own if you don’t want to be.

If you are facing this, I implore you to be open and honest with your close ones. The people that will help you and understand that you might be finding things a little difficult right now.

Who knows, you might come away feeling a little bit stronger, a little less afraid and a lot more happier for letting your thoughts and emotions out.

Good luck.

Until the next time…

Picture found – https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B8eO5dTIcAA0rgi.png (lovely picture, kudos to artist and quote)