Negativity VS. Positivity; you are important to me!

Hello reader,

How are you? I hope you are doing well today?

I’ve not got much time…

Responsibility and tiredness is an issue at the moment you see, but it’s Friday tomorrow so it’s not all bad.

Just a quick message today about something that has been bugging me…

Self-esteem. We’ve all heard of it. What baffles me the most is how many people in the world suffer from low self – esteem/self-worth. So today/tonight, I am messaging you to tell you – you are worthwhile. You mean something to me and by reading this, I appreciate you being here and joining me. You mean something to the people you are close to, who you see almost every day (or every chance you get!). You mean something to the people you help, to the people you work with and to the people who depend on you. You are important. You, are you. You have a purpose. You are Special.

…You are precious.

I try to remind the children that I work with how great they are, to really drum it (figuratively) into their heads that they should be proud of their work, that they should be proud of themselves. I never forget to say “well done” and “You have done some really great work!” But most importantly I say this and mean it. Some of the children I work with never seem to fully believe me, I see it in their eyes – the doubt. It upsets me, but I know it upsets them more. Nevertheless I will keep praising them all, because I also know that they believe it somehow, perhaps even just for a second… They can feel proud of their achievements.

I too, suffer from low self-esteem though I don’t let on too much. I come across the confident one, the one who always helps others to see their self-worth. However it’s easier that way. I see so much light in others, that I forget to see the light in myself sometimes. Everyone has good days and bad days. I’ve had quite a few bad days, perhaps you have too?

Never forget – the light in your heart shines a lot brighter and a lot more beautiful than the ugly comments or behaviours  someone has spoken to you in the past with so much as half a thought. If someone has said something to you, perhaps a family member or friend, that seems “out of character” call them up on it. Ask them what they truly meant by it. Be brave. It may turn out that they said it the wrong way. Though you’ll never know until you ask. You’ll be able to tell if they mean what they say by how they say it, their body language and in their eyes. Deep breath; you can do it.

It’s all about PMA – “Positive Mental Attitude” – Don’t be held down by the pressure to be someone you aren’t. You are lovely, unique and have strengths and weaknesses in your own right as a person. It makes you who you are, this is something that you can hold your head up high to, in the knowledge that you are real. No one will ever be able to take that away from you. So why try and take it away from you, yourself? It doesn’t seem logical right? Now is the time to begin to be self-respecting – to take your power back and to start loving you!

Have a great day tomorrow and always!

Thanks for reading,

Until next time~

http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/files/2012/05/you-are-good-enough.jpg – love this. Found here; all rights to artist.

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Lack of Control in Life: Getting Mad and Letting Go

One month.

That’s all it was. (Well… One month, a summer holiday and about a week later…)

When I look back on it, it felt so much longer. I guess depression does that to a person.

It was June 23rd 2014. I finally started working somewhere I thought was a match made in heaven. Little did I realise, it was soon not to be the case.

It doesn’t bother me that they lied to my face, because I knew they were lying as soon as they opened their mouths. No, it bothers me, that they didn’t try harder. Try harder to talk to me properly, instead of taking their problems out on me.

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I go to work, to work. I work with children because I enjoy it. I love to teach children new things and sometimes learn things together. So no, it doesn’t bother me that they said “I didn’t fit in.” It bothers me that they told me I wasn’t bonding properly (whatever they saw fit in their eyes – yeah, I have no idea either) with the children.

I could list many ways on how I bonded with the children, for instance talking, singing, reading, listening and most importantly engaging/taking an interest. But this list is mainly for your benefit, so you get an idea of how I am with children.

On the whole I believe It would’ve helped tremendously if they had given me my key children… From the very beginning it felt like they didn’t want me there. I had no key to get in, no uniform, no CRB/DBS check, no key children. Nothing to properly define my place there. Lack of security.

I was never going to write about this on here. However the truth has come to light today and it brought it all up again. Even this “truth” feels like a “half-truth.” I can’t help this feeling that maybe I should have shaken my doubts and just tried harder myself. But there’s only so much you can do when you get the vibe that you aren’t really wanted or needed in the room. Which comes to another interesting fact that they denied being over staffed on some of the days…Sigh

I’m struggling hard not to be bitter about it all. I know I need to let it go, because I’m starting a new job in a few days (by the way if you have read my earlier post – my sleeping is going well, just gotta make sure I get to sleep earlier too!) and I just don’t want to drag that baggage with me.

A lot happened in a month. Over the summer I felt it wasn’t right and started looking for other work, I just didn’t realise how quickly they were going to let me go. I chuckled a bit when I was told “This isn’t working out…” I thought “Ya, think so?” It’s hard when things start off nice and it turns out to be a façade…

Also people don’t always make it clear what they expect of you, and quite frankly it pisses me right off.

I did my job. I stand by, what I expected of them – never happened (too much gossip and tea drinking for my liking) and what they expected of me – didn’t happen. I despise the fact that in a space of a week they thought I’d be really “clicky” with them (they are quite the clique) when I said in the interview, “It does take me a little while to tell people a lot about myself” – I’m guarded, get over it. But I wasn’t “off” with them either and did try to tell them about me, more so if they asked.

They were all quite older than I was. People think that’s a factor too. It probably was, but at the same time I know people who are a lot older than me and we get on great. I think it’s a personality clash myself. In light of this they also warned me that “We are a clique and find it hard to let other people mix” – or words to that effect. If I can try, they should have been adult enough to try too since they knew their own problems. Isn’t it half the battle? If you say to someone you recognise the problem, you should try to take the next step like I did, instead of “here’s the facts, yeah, we aren’t changing.” – wouldn’t Ofsted be pleased with that result?!

Fake, is a word I would use for them. I would say other things but I cannot, for I fear I would regret my words in the morning. Rage aside, at least I know what to look out for and what to avoid in the future.

Despite this though, we may have just crossed some serious wires. Who knows? The communication itself wasn’t great anyway. Something everyone should learn in life: not everyone will like you. In the end, we just weren’t meant to be.

Lessons to be learned and all that.

I feel a lot better after writing this all down. I feel I can make peace with it now.

Is there anything you’d like to make peace with? Trust me, you’ll feel better once you just let it go…

As always thank you for reading my rambles.

Until the next time.

Picture found: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0iBktncF-IE/UFeqBTxc6FI/AAAAAAAAAyk/vT_teNYva9s/s1600/304721_380997701966679_1341093772_n.jpg (Whoever did this is awesome)

If It’s Worth It Keep Trying: Finally A Success Story…

Hello again reader,

It stands to reason that in life; you get out what you put in.

I went for my second interview on Wednesday (at a school) and I couldn’t have been happier walking through the school gates. Weird, huh? I’ve always enjoyed being in school. I wasn’t the person I’d call a “goodie-goodie” in school. I was quiet, so I got away with a few things. Teachers liked me and I got on well with a lot of different people. I had a good reputation, and was there for people who were in trouble. Even the people who you’d stay away from normally, liked me. Probably because I gave them a chance and tried to help them, rather than judge them. Which I have taken with me into my adult life, however for most of school I was depressed. People were normally very surprised when I told them about my home life growing up. I’m the typical – “She’s always smiling and being helpful” labelled person. … We won’t go into this right now though – story for another time.

So, my interview went really well on Wednesday. I had a test on writing something to do with introductions. I was a bit miffed that I didn’t have a test on my maths, since I was ready for it. Then had an observation done, where I went into a classroom, helped some year 7’s – lovely group of kids. People tend to stay away from Parkway in my town, with good reason too. Although I don’t particularly like the area I would be more than happy to help the children in that area. As I know how it feels to be less well off than others and have a bit of a troubled background. Not just through myself but from the people I used to know growing up.

After chatting to the members of staff and having a good time, I went home with mixed feelings. I couldn’t describe it, I just felt that I hadn’t got it, even though the interview went well. I was being interviewed for a Secondary position (something I wasn’t aware of until I got there) It all felt… Strange.

Needless to say, I got a phone call that day with the response of – “…I have two things to tell you – one, unfortunately you didn’t get the job and secondly, we’d like to offer you something in the primary school…” – say what?

I went back to the school on Friday to go through the process again. Primary school children…. Is a much better fit, they were completely right with that one. I completed a small activity of reading a book with them and the task was to find the adjectives. I was really pleased with their efforts and said thank you to them, which they responded with a big “thank you for seeing us!” … It was adorable.

So I wasn’t sure If I was going to get the job. It’s not good to necessarily assume you will get something. I might have been terrible! The good news is, I wasn’t. They have offered me the job!

After all that hard work, it’s great to finally say – I’ve got what I’ve been wanting for all these years. To work in a Primary school as a teaching assistant (TA) with children from all kinds of backgrounds and to start making a positive difference.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Until the next time!

Picture From – http://inspirationboost.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/19-Keep-Trying1.jpg