Hello again, are you sitting comfortably?

Hello,

As I write this my mind has been wondering what it is exactly I should talk to you about. I can’t say I have quite figured that out yet but I’m going with this anyway.

I’d like to start by saying, I’m feeling better. I had a bit of a wobble back there for a moment but I’m ok. I’m okay.

I have been drifting for a while, it’s strange, the things that can lift us up and most of the time we never knew that there was an issue in the first place. Like I’ve recently got a pay rise and it has helped my drive at work. I didn’t realise I had that problem in the first place, but now that I am better, I realise just how much I was going through the motions.

Doing the things I love to do just became too much effort. Learning guitar, writing in my blog, finding ideas for stories I want to write in the future, singing, getting a band together. All things that may or may not happen, just couldn’t possibly happen at all before this change. I don’t know what has triggered this but I’m feeling a drive in myself to just go for it. And i’m postive it wasn’t just because of a pay rise at work.

I guess the main point is that i’ve had more time to reflect and to be creative recently. I probaly mentioned before that I struggle with my anemia, and I find it difficult to be proactive on even my best days. It can be a real bummer and it’s not always easy to get up and go, but I do. And I do it because I want to be better than myself. I hate the thought of something I was born with to be the reason I am not happy. I wont let it stop me. Sure I could get a blood transfusion and get rid of the anemia, (so the doctor tells me). But it’s my blood, and i’ll deal with it. I just see it as there are people who really need good blood. But I don’t. I guess i’d see it as a waste? I mean, i’m not fainting or anything. It’s not terrible. It’s just i’m mostly tired 90% of the time. I think. See, you live with something for so long, you don’t know how it feels to not have it, so it’s normal for you. I don’t really know what it’s like to be anyone else. I don’t even know if I’m ‘normal’ in the sense that, do people feel the way I do? Is it ‘normal’ to feel this tired right now? And, I suppose I did have a long day at work, so maybe this is fine, and a person who had the exact same day as me, would feel this way too? Who knows?

I mean, during my time thinking, I have also concluded that I think too much and start to think a bit too negatively too. There has been very few times that I’ve stopped to think for a while and thought “I’m actually happy right now. Like, really happy.” So I also wonder, that perhaps it is human to think on the negative rather than the positive. Or then again, maybe it depends on the type of human. Is it possible that no one has an easy upbringing? That no matter what, there will always be something that will happen to someone that will make them think more negatively than positively?

…There I go again. Bleh.

I am honestly feeling more like myself now. I cannot stress that enough. I don’t feel as lost as I was. But I still have some thinking to do. I like being creative and I like doing things, going out, being social. But the ‘other me’ wants to sit and watch netflix and not do anything and stay inside and just be in solitude. It’s a battle. But I know I feel better when i’m doing things. So i’m doing things.

For instance, I went to watch Paramore live. For the first time ever. *Gasp.* I’ve been listening to them for 10 years. And I swear if I could see my 13 year old self, she would be so jealous of me right now. It’s been on my ‘list of things to do’ for such a long time. And through the heat of the longest day of the year, I watched, danced, and sang my heart out, (whilst drenched in sweat), to one of my most favourite bands, who have got me through some really hard times.

Good job guys. You are the best.

Back when I was 13 and hating my life, (reasons because another story)  I would wake up at night at silly times. I used to sit up at 3am and would fumble around for my mp3 player and sit on the windowsill looking outside at the stars whilst listening to Paramore’s albums “All we know is falling” and “Riot”. I would listen to ‘My Heart’ over and over again along with ‘When it rains.” I feel like i’ve grown with them. And it’s so touching to see them be so humble, and care so much about the people who love them and support them. It makes supporting them for so long be that much more awesome.

Needless to say of course I would listen to a variety of music also, a lot of Evanescence and Pink too. I believe that was also around the time i’d listen to a lot of Avril Lavigne and 3 doors down… But anyway, music just helped. And I guess like a lot of people it just got me through whatever crap was going on at home.

So maybe going to the concert helped me too? Like it just happened at the time when I needed it. I’ve had such a buzz after Paramore, that it’s making me want to get better at singing (if I can – erk) and generally just feel more confident in going for what I want to do. You wouldn’t think going to see a band would stir such emotion from someone, but I guess it has. And I can only say thank you to them. Even though they don’t know me and have no freakin’ clue that I exist. Thanks for being an inspiration and for being there for me when no one else was.

So, I may still be as tired as ever, and I’m probably not the most mentally healthy, but I’ve got my drive back to get to somewhere better and that’s the first step and it’s an important one at that.

I hope to be a better version of me someday. I will continuously strive to make something happen. I am not gonna let this be all there is to my life. I want to do more. And even if I don’t become famous, and then realise i’m not actually that talented. Pft… I’m not talented at all. Ha! This is for me. Because when it comes down to it, at the end of it all, this is my life, and I intend to live it.

 

Until the next time ~

 

 

Photo found: http://beateo.deviantart.com/art/music-helps-me-through-it-163916238  by Beateo

So, so relevant.

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Never Give Up – Your dreams can overcome your nightmares.

Hello reader,

Where do I begin today?

Let me lay it out for you simply:

  • Anxiety
  • Dealing with the future/Support

Let’s begin…

Many of us at some point in our lives will have to come to terms with the huge reality that anxiety will affect us. As hard as it seems, we no longer have to suffer in silence about it. It has become if not “normal” but reasonable to say “I am hurting, I need help.”

The stresses and the general pressure of the population, would lead you to believe that what you may be feeling and/or experiencing is something you alone are feeling/experiencing; that you must deal with it yourself because no one really understands or cares truly about your strife.

This in fact, is completely wrong.

That is your brain being a negative ball of deflated energy that you can rewire if you start the ball rolling in another direction.

Easier said than done though?

Let’s take a look…

Anxiety:

Anxiety is a worry or nervousness created by unease of a situation. You may feel fearful or tense about doing something, or where you are. Any physical symptoms are (mainly) caused by the brain sending signals through the nervous system. The nerves make parts of the body work faster in a “fight or flight” scenario, which can be useful in some situations. Although the anxiety I am discussing is of a more malicious kind, that can cause anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Which can appear for no apparent reason and seems irrational.

There are various anxiety disorders to consider, but for this post I will focus on “General Anxiety Disorder” or GAD for short. Which is feeling high levels of stress/worry most (if not every) day. GAD effects 1 in 50 people and is seen mostly in women and older people. However it can begin in your early 20’s.

Causes of GAD are things such as; trauma, genetics and major stress e.g. family crisis.

If you feel you many suffer with anxiety/stress or even GAD I strongly recommend going to visit your local doctor/GP. You wont be wasting their time. They can get you on the right path for support, for example prescribing medicines or counseling. It’s important you get help for this. Alternatively you can try “self-help” by getting leaflets and books on how to combat stress levels. There are also plenty of self-help websites that can help you with your anxieties.

A few things that could help are:

  • Deep breathing: A very slow breath in and a long slow breath out. Count up to 10. Or if you are struggling with sleep try the 4-7-8 breathing exercise: Breath in deeply for four seconds. Hold that breath for seven seconds. Breath out slowly for eight seconds. Repeat this four to five times and you should begin to feel sleepy. *yawwwwn*
  • Plan to relax: planning to take time out to relax makes you look forward to the day. Forward planning of relaxation time and taking time out because you’ve planned it and know you’ll still be able to do everything makes time out more fun and your stress levels go down. Take that control back!
  • Exercise: Go for a long walk, walk the dog, go on a bike ride or go for a run. There are plenty of ways to get some exercise in to take your mind off of everything, or try to sort things out in your mind. What ever the case some exercise will make you feel a bit better. Also swimming or tennis are my personal de-stress favourites – most likely because I can have fun with a friend!
  • Refrain from “drinking your sorrows away” : Not a long-term solution, best to be avoided. It will only cause more trouble!
  • Grab a book or online course: Unfortunately I do not hold all the answers. Never the less, there are things online that can help you. Try to be willing to put yourself out there and get motivated. Say: “I want to feel better, I will get better!” (And mean it!) Say it a few times in your head if you are struggling. This might seem strange at first, but in all honesty it’s your mentality that will affect how far you go – let’s stay positive – you can do it!
  • Back away from the caffeine and drink water: Tea and coffee are not the best thing in the world if you struggle from high anxiety. Try and get at least eight cups of water in a day. I’ve just learnt this myself – I’ve started drinking from a pint glass and I’m drinking at least three pints a day! I am a serial non-drinker and it really affects my health (you’d think I’d learn!) Now just by keeping a pint glass by my bed I have been drinking more and it’s even helped with my eating habits! I feel so much better in myself. Drinking more water helps with fatigue and I actually feel thirsty for once.
  • Contact a support group: Your local doctors can help you with finding a support group. Or simply go online and type in “local support groups” and you’ll be on your way to finding the right group for you!

I can understand when you look towards the future you may see an endless road of things to get down and a long list of troubles to overcome. After all we live in a society that is vast and ever-changing and we all have to cope with this on a daily basis. I hope that you will be able to get some motivation by reading my post to at least start to think about getting the help you deserve. Or to help you, help someone else in their struggles of anxiety so you can be supportive to them. I am a believer in the medicine of family and close friendships help. When you have that support behind you, you feel like you can do what you thought you couldn’t do. If you don’t feel like you have anyone I strongly recommend visiting your GP to have a chat straight away.

I can’t say enough the importance of helping yourself, to reach out and get the help. No one knows how you really feel until you tell them. You are hurting yourself by keeping it bottled inside. Adding to the stress, believing no-one cares. How can they, if you are not letting them in? Be yourself, be open. You will get the support you need and deserve!

You’ll be okay.

Thanks for reading,

Until the next time ~

Picture Found: http://static1.quoteswave.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Anyone-Can-Give-Up.-Its-The-Easiest-Thing-In-The-World-To-Do.jpg?03d4a8 – Kudos~