I went to college the other day. Yup. I went in search for something that would ignite some reaction, some interest in me. What did I receive?
There was this one thing, but … no.
And that other thing… But actually…
And then there wa– nah, probably not my thing.
I’m not trying to be negative about everything but it’s hard not to, especially when you are laughed at when trying to explain “Yeah I’m thinking about this course because…” Well, thanks for nothing.
Needless to say, I was very down last night. I see people being so passionate about things they are good at. But when I try and write down or say what I’m good at, I just draw a blank all the time. Don’t get me wrong. I love people expressing their own passions. I just find it difficult to, personally.
I don’t know what I want anymore. I found myself thinking “Maybe I’m just not destined for anything.” A lot.
It sounds quite melodramatic. Now that I’ve had some sleep. Haha
The thought was just so loud at the time. I just wanted the world to stop and leave me alone.
It would be so nice to just figure out exactly what it is I am good at. And try and focus my energy into it. My partner says I’m good at lots of things all at once that it’s hard to pin point one strength above all the others. I think he was just trying to make me feel better.
It didn’t work.
But it’s the thought that counts.
I’m okay at a lot of things. I’m average. I’m basically average on most subjects. I don’t have anything that I spring to that’s like “YES! That one! That’s MY thing!”
I like a lot of things. But the things I like doing wont pay the bills!
Sorry for my ramblings today. I’m just a bit muddled at the moment.
Thing is, my job isn’t any better. And the outlook for other jobs that will pay for my expenses are few and far between so I haven’t managed to leave. And I’ve not been sleeping very well, so with all that in mind… I’m feeling a bit adrift at the moment.
I need to find something I can do. Do I just look for a similar role that i’m doing now? Do I try to find something at college to help with the admin and pursue it head-on? Or do I look for something new? Or Old? Maybe I should go back to Childcare… No.. I don’t want that. I love working with the kids. But I can’t stand the staff most of the time. Unless It’s a school. But then the contracts are always so dreadful. ….
I know i’ll figure it out. But the answer eludes me at the moment.
Here’s to trying to figure shit out!
Hope you have a great day!
Until the next time~